Just Being Honest

Being a mom has been hard for me this month. I think I have been spoiled by having the best baby in the world. In general, he is smiley, happy, friendly, independent, and lovable all the time...not this month. Grant has had a continuous bout of being sick with one thing or another. It's hard to remember all the exact details, but I think it started out with a cold that led into an ear infection. Being a new mom I didn't know what to do when all of a sudden my usually perfect baby became clingy and fussy. I thought that maybe he was going through a new phase, and I was being whiny and spoiled and wanting my perfect baby back. Come to find out...he had a reason for being that way. He didn't feel good. So once he got on medication I assumed that things would get back to normal. When they didn't, I questioned whether something was wrong again, or if I was just being a complainer...I wanted my baby back that doesn't fuss! I ended up taking him back to the doctor...nothing was "wrong" other than maybe a case of being used to getting whatever he wanted while he was sick. I started to think that I had created a monster who always wanted to be held and screamed if he didn't get his way. Things seemed to get a little better, but not all the way. Then they started to escalate again...we were back to screaming whenever I put him down and sometimes even while I was holding him. I know that I can't expect to have a perfect baby all the time, but something had to be wrong! Sure enough...a double ear infection! Back on medication, only this time he developed a rash and we discovered that he is allergic to penicillin. So we had to take him off the medication, which the doctor thought would be fine since his ear infection seemed to be gone. Just a day later he got the flu! I'm telling you...the poor little thing! I gave him some time to be clingy and fussy again while he got over the flu, but soon started to wonder why he wasn't his normal self after a while. Did my happy, lovable child become something new because of all of the attention he has been getting while being sick. Was he never going to be independent and happy on his own again? Once again we took a trip to the doctor. I am starting to really feel like a terrible mother who can't handle a fussy baby (I mean, what do other mother's do who have had fussy babies from the day they were born?). Fortunately (for my sanity at least, not for Grant) his ear infection had come back, most likely because he hadn't finished the medication from the last one due to his rash! So now here we are...on another round of medication and my baby is still fussy. I want to believe that maybe the medication hasn't fully kicked in and that is why he still wants to be held all the time, but then I think...what am I doing wrong? The medication has surely taken the pain away by now! There are sweet moments when he cuddles up with me when he isn't feeling well, and I love those, but I am tired of the screaming and seemingly temper tantrum throwing times. Are they really temper tantrums because he isn't getting his way, or does he just not feel good? Anyway...I feel like I am rambling on and on, but it feels good to get it out. So thanks for reading. I pray if he doesn't feel good that he will finally and completely get over his sickness, but if he truly is going through a difficult stage that the Lord will give me patience to endure the tough times.